I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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