Where is the hickey?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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