I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
