Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
