I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
