Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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