How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
