her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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