apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
