she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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