swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
