So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
