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• (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

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• (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.

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