the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
