I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
