He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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