He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
