yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
