I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
