I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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