Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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