You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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