I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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