I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
