Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
