Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
