Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize