I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
