I bet he comes in French.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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