my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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