Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
