I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ladies don't puke and tell
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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