You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
