My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
