Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
