im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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