Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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