i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
