youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
