Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
