official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
