You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
