I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
love makes seman taste better
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
