If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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