Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
