I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
