you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
