she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
