dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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