I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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