I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Life is so much better after having sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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