I wish I could teleport
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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