Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
