I wannas sexs uuuuu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
