Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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