I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
