I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
