I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
