You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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