I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
