after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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