Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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