I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
