Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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