Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
