I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
