If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
