New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
