those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
