I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
