i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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