im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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