What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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