I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
