once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
