Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
