i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
