I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
