After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize