she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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