I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize