Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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