hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
